


Homesick

by SinceriouslyAmellPadalecki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Challenge fic, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Louden Swain SPN Writing Challenge, Reader Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 16:31:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7648345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinceriouslyAmellPadalecki/pseuds/SinceriouslyAmellPadalecki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written for @mrswhozeewhatsis‘ #LoudenSwainSPNChallenge on Tumblr. My song was Homesick.</p>
<p>Ever wondered what Dean thought about? Before He went to the Cemetry to prevent the Apocalypse? I did. This is my own personal take on what Dean was thinking about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Homesick

**Author's Note:**

> Italics are speech, and Bold Italics are song lyrics. Completely unbeta'd. Any mistakes are mine.

_“Falling down to my knees, here I am again, talking nonsense. Hoping that someone out there is listening. I don’t know if any of you even care any more, but what else is there to do? There is nothing else to do, time is almost up. Hiding this, hiding this fear is going to kill me, before they do… Well, I guess here goes nothing…”_

> **‘ I can’t stop thinkin’ of her face  
>  And she’s just a few miles away  
>  I’ll probably see her when she gets home today  
>  But I can’t stop thinkin’ of her face ‘**

_“Every single time she left, I smiled weakly, for I knew just how I would be without her. I missed her with every second she was gone. It was like she was the air I breathed, and without her, I was slowly dying. Watching her pack, was always the hardest. I could watch her drive off, had been doing that all my life, but watching her pack, it was always gut wrenching. I always believed she would be packing to never come back. There would always be the sweet sweet reassurances that she was coming back, coming home. But the life we lead, how can she know that, how can she know?..”_

> **‘ I miss the tender of her lips  
>  And the warm welcome when we kiss  
>  I’ve three days yet to practice what I’ll miss  
>  But I can’t stop thinkin’ of her lips ‘**

_“The softness of her lips, the warmth it brings. On the hardest days, when all I see is black, she brings the light, with her gentle yet ever present kisses. Lips of rose, sweeter than honey, how they make me feel so loved and needed. I cherish every kiss, every press of lips against mine. Nothing says “Welcome home”, “I missed you”, “I need you”, “I love you” better than the taste of her. Those lips of rose, how I will miss them…”_

> **‘ I’m just so homesick already  
>  Thinkin’ how I’ll be tonight  
>  I close my eyes to etch her smile  
>  It brands its color for a while  
>  It fills me up, I close my eyes  
>  To etch her precious little smile ’**

_“How is that I am still here, and yet I am so homesick? Is it because she is what I consider to be my home…. No matter where we may be, as long as I am with her, she is my home. They do say home is where the heart is after all, and that is really true when it comes to er. She is my heart, my home. I am so homesick, so I close my eyes and think of her. The way she smiles, the way her smile lights her face up. Lights my face up. It’s contagious that pretty little smile of hers. When she smiles, we all seem to smile. Oh how I am homesick. I shall take that smile with me when I go….”_

> _**‘ I’m just so homesick already  
>  Thinkin’ how I’ll be tonight ’** _

_“Tonight will be another night I won’t sleep. Sleepless nights are nothing new, especially when I’m missing you. I am so homesick, and it hurts so much. Tonight will be just another night, with books and booze. Books and booze…”_

> **‘ Give me courage to be strong  
>  I’m just no good when I get gone  
>  What she does to me, she gets me along  
>  Give me courage to be strong ’**

_“She is my strength, she is why I keep getting up in the morning. I do it all for her. To make the world a better place, to rid the world of evil, one monster at a time. I know she can handle herself, but I still do it all for her, Well her and the others. But mainly for her. She gives me strength when I am weak, and helps me carry on. I was never the wayward son, but with her, I have the courage to be better, do better. Live better. And now….”_

> **‘ You see on Monday I’m going far away  
>  And I don’t know how I’ll get by  
>  Will I be alright?  
>  Will she be alright? ‘**

_“Monday is the day of reckoning. For once the homesickness won’t be mine. It’s my turn to leave, to go and leave. If I had a choice, I would stay… But, walking away, is going to be thehardest thing I have ever done. I love her.. Oh lord, there it is. The hard unrelenting truth. I love her. And knowing that, I just want to know, will I be alright? Will she? Am I strong enough to not go running home, back to her. Can I say Yes? I want to say Yes, but will it just be a lie. So tell me, whilst I am down on my knees, will I be alright, Will she?”_

* * *

Getting up off his knees, he wipes away the single tear that worked its way down his cheek, and composing himself, turns and heads out his room. He doesn’t look at the photo’s on his bedside cabinet, nor does he look at the the carving on the outside of the door as he closes it. He tries not to think of anything as he makes his way to the kitchen, to grab some beer before heading to the library.

His phone rings as he sits at one of the tables in the library, books laying open all around him. His brother is at another table, head stuck in a dusty volume, away in his own little world. Pulling out his phone, he lets his shoulders slump when he sees who is ringing, but forcing a fake smile on his face, he answers. They talk for several minutes, making small talk, talking about each other’s days, when she finally asks him if he’s okay.

_“Dee, is everything okay? You just seem awfully quiet tonight”_

_“Yeah Baby, just miss you. Miss having you here next to me.”_

_“Oh Dee, I miss you too. But I will be home soon, just a few more days, then I’m all yours again. All yours Dee. No more Hunts. Just the three of us.”_

There’s a pregnant pause, where he can hear his heart beating loudly in his ears, and she wonders what he is thinking. Then she hears him exhale, and he speaks again.

_“Three of us? Baby, do you… do you have something to tell me?”_

_“I wanted to wait until I was home, but, I guess I slipped up. Dee, you are going to be a dad.”_

In that moment, he feels his world come crashing down around him. And all he can think is…

_**‘ Will I be alright?  
Will she be alright? ‘** _


End file.
